so i read something yesterday that really resonated with me. but first, a little context.
i'm a pretty critical person in general - and i never really stop thinking. these are two qualities of myself that don't always go well together. especially in my present circumstances. as i find myself at my particular age, with my education and experience, i stand at a crossroads of sorts not really having any clue which way to turn, let alone which way to walk. and i've been a bit overwhelmed by this situation. and when i'm in the sort of situation that i find myself in right now, i tend to look at others' situations and grow a bit envious - especially of those who seem to have 'figured it all out' and are 'getting settled' in their lives. because i REALLY want that, and probably my biggest challenge in life is trusting that God will provide that for me (and yes, i realize that what is provided for me may not be a clear "career" or a house with a picket fence and a dog - and yes, that scares me). so i often get jealous of friends, or even random people who seem to have everything going for them. and that's a hard reality to face.
so i've been reading through the chronicles of narnia (almost because i feel an obligation to do so - but they are good). i'm on The Horse and His Boy right now. i've liked a lot of the imagery in the books so far. but one particular and subtle message popped out at me as i read yesterday. as shasta on his own encounters Aslan, he asks Aslan why he "attacked" Aravis. Aslan says this:
"'Child,' said the Voice, 'I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.'"
while this may be a simple statement, it cut really deep for me in that moment, and in the last day or so thinking over it. we each have unique stories, and we each have unique struggles within our stories, and each of our stories are meant to be gloriously different and unique - without comparing or measuring our story against an other's. i easily lose this great element when i am feeling sorry for myself and envious of others. there's part of me that wants the elements of a storybook life - that status quo that i loathe so much. what's the deal with that - desiring what we know repulses us? it's mindboggling to me. maybe i just think that is what will bring me joy - and i know that it's joy i desire. and it goes back to trusting that the lord has great desires for me. and what am i to do but follow and be faithful. it doesn't seem all that simple most of the time. but i think it is - it's just not easy. and as i am learning, simple does NOT mean easy. it's quite the contrary.